It is the month of changing seasons and spring cleaning. It is also the month of my mother’s birthday. I lost my mother to Alzheimer’s Disease three years ago. Watching my mother go from a brilliant PhD scientist and professor to someone who couldn’t have a conversation of more than 2 sentences without repeating her questions was very sad. I missed talking to her and asking her advice.

My mom believed in celebrating whenever you got the opportunity. Life gives you problems and losses often enough. It is important to take in joy to balance that out. When her birthday came around, I always brought a cake and gift and a card. We had a little party. A few years before her death, I bought her some new clothes. She asked why, and I told her that all girls like new clothes. She chuckled and gave me a fashion show with her new outfits. On the last birthday she was farther gone. The card I gave her was on the table next to her. She would pick it up, ask what this was, read it and smile. “How nice!” She would carefully set it beside her plate. A few minutes later, she would pick it up again and repeat her moment of joy. She sang “Happy Birthday” with us but did not know whose birthday it was. She laughed when we said it was hers. “You’re kidding me.”

Six weeks later, she was gone. I was glad we had that one last party the month before.

Chronic disease and losses in life hit hard. Celebrating whenever you get the chance makes positive memories to comfort you during the dark times.

It puts people on the spot about their relationships. If you are not seeing anyone, you are left out unless your friends have an alternative like Galentines Day. If you are seeing someone, are you in like or in love? What is the appropriate gesture supposed to be? Does Hallmark make a card that matches your feelings?

Rather than getting hung up on an artificial holiday, maybe you should be focusing on your feelings about your partner and how well you know each other. It is important to discuss what makes each of you feel loved. What to give your partner depends on their love language. If you are in a relationship with someone who measures love in gifts, a gift is important. If your partner is more about security and intimacy, a homemade candlelit dinner may do the trick. If your partner values the home you create together, fixing things or cleaning up may say “I love you.” If feeling loved is about shared experience, a day trip or activity for just the two of you will work.

Don’t make assumptions about what showing love means to your partner. Ask! And don’t take for granted that your partner knows what you need without being told. Share!

People associate New Years Day with making resolutions to live healthier. Unfortunately, most resolutions don’t last more than a few weeks. The problem with making these self-promises to live better is that they don’t come with a plan or a support system. It is no wonder that they fail.

So how do you make a promise you intend to keep?

First, assess your readiness to do things differently. If you have a refrigerator and cabinets full of holiday food and snacks, do you really think you can stick to only eating healthy food? There needs to be a purging of the temptations first.

Second, have what you need easily accessible. Stock up on fruits and vegetables at home. Be prepared to pack lunches. Prep ahead to make cooking meals faster. Cook ahead on weekends foods that reheat well. If you have access to a frig at work, bring a bag of groceries in for making salads during the week (including proteins: cheese, hard cooked eggs, cooked chicken, beans).

Third, set up a support system. Have your family back you up; they could benefit from this, too. Talk to your co-workers and see if they want to do this together. Maybe you can take turns bringing lunch for each other.

Remember. Success requires planning ahead.